stream of thinking...

i hate having to find the perfect preschool for john. in fact i'm angry about it. i hate more that i'm trying SO hard. i'm doing really good with my resolutions. (including the two i didn't mention on here). i really would like colin to be weaned. i really don't want to wean colin. it may just be easier to nurse him until college. the boys need to start sleeping through the night, all three of them. i despise cleaning under my table and really should do it more. i'm nervous of what is going to happen to my body when i wean. i want to be a better friend to so many people, and do feel i have the time, which is a cop out i know. i need a vacation, badly. i don't want to plan a vacation i just want to happen upon one. i love holding babies. any baby will do, but i really love those that look up at me with big eyes and smile. if they stayed like that i'd have a hundred. even with the sleepless nights. the don't stay like that:) they make your name into a song (maaa maaaaa maaaaaa maa) or they ask you to cuddle just a little closer at nap time. with both hands. and they still let me hold them and they look up at me with big blue eyes and smile. and they throw noodles and peaches and ask for 'moe'. damn they're worth the preschool search. back at it...